Invictus

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

This poem I heard for the first time in the movie Invictus, amazing poem- the movie was okay but mostly I love these words.

AWESOME PEOPLE

There are some people in this world who can ruin your day just by breathing the same air as you (mostly when they breath loudly) and then you get those people who can brighten up your day with a simple hello or even just a look (if they're close by). These are the people I have been focussing on today and I'm a cheery as a squirrel with many nuts!

One of these very AWESOME people is My Momma, she knows just when I need a "hello" (I call it mental telepathy but maybe its just because she's my mom). My mom is the most amazing woman I know, I realise daily how much I need her and how much life sucks without her around me. I love you my momma thank you for always being there when I need you <3

The other AWESOME person is Mr Mysterious, he's managed to turn my frown upside down this morning by simply chatting to me. For some reason I got out of bed in a really foul mood this morning and now I'm my chirpy self again. Thank you Mr, I needed that :)

Now its just onwards and upwards the rest of the day, I guess I just needed that nudge.

Runway to Success

I finally feel like I'm going somewhere with my life, like I'm eventually living and not just standing idly as life passes me by. I'm on the runway to my future an the plane is taking off!

Today I get the ball rolling on my student loan- I have to just get my payslip scanned in and then my lease agreement as proof of residency, then I send that with all the relevant documentation to ABSA and hopefully get approved, I then register for my course at UNISA in June and then I start studying because exams are in November. After that it's only 3 and a half years and I'll have a bachelors degree in counselling psychology!

The mail to the HR department regarding my permanent contract was sent on Friday and I have been promised a raise to go with that- I have already drafted a letter to my boss incase there is no raise in my contract, so I'll have job security for a couple of years hopefully.

I was however rejected to get the Iphone 4s but I half expected that (I earn R100 short of their minimum) but my gran has said she'd take it out on her name and as soon as we can we can transfer the contract onto my name- at least then I'll have a decent phone!

SUCCESS

Can you hear it? I definitely can!!!

This Amazing Place

I've been working at this company for 9 months now-

I was first a PA to a pervy round penguin in the operations division for 6 months, he gave me minimal work to do but had the unfortunate habit of openly gawking at my chest (he gawked at men's crotches too- it was weird). He had the brand managers who reported to him and I did most of their admin too but then I had to do the CFO's admin, HR's admin and the CEO's wife's admin- so its safe to say I was kept busy most of the time. 

This of course was not busy enough for the CEO's wife and after working there for 5 months (one fixed term contract and one extension), I was given notice and told that because I had no work to do they were going to let me go when my contract extension ended (this after the pervy penguin had specified to HR after my 3 month fixed term contract ended that I was to be made permanent). So I moved on started looking for work everywhere and was offered the position I am in now- PA for the solar division.

Old Tom Cruise approached me and since his PA was going on maternity leave I would start working with them- I was told this was only on temporary basis and when my contract expired I would no longer be needed here. 

This whole time they have been paying me peanuts, even so I was grateful to have a job and almost excited because old Tom Cruise was talking about keeping me on permanent after his PA came back and was assuring me that he would have something done about my salary.

Now to give you an idea- my contract here in the solar division started on February 1st... it is now May... I'm still sitting on the same basic and only now has there been talks with upper management about a permanent contract...

I shall see where this road takes me but I must add that I am not very optimistic- 

"Glitter in the Air" Pink

Been addicted to this song lately, its just filled with such raw emotion and I love the way Pink gets it right.

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?

Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted

Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?

Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return

The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn

The thunder before the lightning, and the breath before the phrase

Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?

Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone

Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?

Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion

The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run

The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames

Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

There you are, sitting in the garden

Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar

You called me sugar

No no no no no no

Have you ever wished for an endless night?

Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight

Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself

Will it ever get better than tonight? 

Tonight

Enough

There is only so much criticism one person can take in a day....

When I've been asked to do something I generally hop right on that horse and get it done and when I haven't got the correct information I tend to start asking questions- like any normal person.

I have now been asked to log all our quotes and orders we have done this year onto a new system that we are using- problem being I've only been quoting since the end of February... I haven't got the correct information that I need to log it all onto the system - so I ask...

I have had my head bitten off in several different ways this morning and frankly I am done, I have had enough of pompous british idiots who expect me to smell the information that I need. Then when I start getting angry because I cant get anything done I'm told I'm acting like a 5 year old...

I can officially say that this is the end of the road- as soon as I find other work I'm out of here even if I get a counter offer from this place- I refuse to be treated like dirt. I have been saying for a while that should I find another job I'd leave but i always thought well if they can better the off there's a chance I'll stay- not anymore... I'm finished, klaar , kaput.

Venting because I can

I can't deal with idiots!

I hate it when people are so stupid they can't figure out the little things for themselves- for instance a particular sales person that I am now forced to deal with on a daily basis- he can't figure out that if a certain part is now obsolete he has to use the replacement part... According to him however I have to check what I'm doing ... IDIOTS!

There are few things that get my blood boiling as much as retards do but for future reference I have drawn up a list:

-RETARDS
-Incorrect Grammar
-Delayed response from service consultants
-Stupid questions
-Stupid assumptions
-Incorrect usage of words
-Loud breathing or chewing of any kind

Now if anyone that reads this does any of the above we know that they're just asking for a high five... in the face... with a chair!

I needed to vent...

The Spider from Hell

The other night I was sitting at home on my bed (which doubles as my lounge) in a state of undress when I noticed a movement on my bedside table. Not thinking straight, I stuck my head next to my bed to have a look at what it was...

What it was, was the spider from hell- he was huge and hairy and just plain ugly. I grabbed my phone meaning to get a picture- because I knew people would dispute the size of this thing- I probably looked away for a second and he disappeared. 

Now if you know anything about spiders at all you'll know that theres only one thing worse than finding a spider in your apartment- LOSING IT!! I hopped off my bed and ran (more like took 2 large steps) into my kitchen, where I systematically contacted everyone I knew who would know what to do in situations like these...

My conversations with said people all basically went the same way -

Me: "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god theres this thing here and now its just gone- JUST GONE and I don't know where the hell it went... OH MY GOD what do I do????"

Other Person: <death by laughter>

By this time I'm hopping up and down in my kitchen in my underwear almost in tears. That's when mr disgusting spider re-appears on my wall... I get the Target from my kitchen cupboard- run at it (this means hopping on my bed because of course mr spider had to go perch in the corner of my wall and my roof) spray the bejesus out of it and run the hell back into my kitchen where I stood watching it...

This happened a whole couple of times, until the damn thing finally gave up the fight and slipped down my wall onto the floor next to my bed where it proceeded to die (after I finished a bottle of Target on it down there too).

I'm an aunty!

So in December last year I became an Aunt, Her name is Zoe-Jane Swanepoel and she's the cutest most amazing little darling I have ever seen (my unbiased opinion of course). My brother is a proud father now and his wife a glowing mom. My mom is so excited to be a granny and I love seeing her so happy.

My little Zoe is awesome, if you dont believe me have a look!

Digressing

I didn't realise I was in love with "Mr Mysterious" until it was too late for either one of us to do anything about it.

I was always talking about him, everyone could see I was besotted over this much much older man but I couldn't- until I was told that he was leaving for good, hopping on a plane and never coming back.

A couple days after I had this mini-revelation of mine, I told him how badly he sucked, I wrote him a long "Grey's Anatomy" type speech and let him know exactly what he'd done, I ended it off by saying, "you suck because you've stolen my heart and now you're leaving with it." Yep I was that corny but I didn't give a damn- I was hurt and felt he needed to know.

I never took the time to ask if he ever had the same feelings or not because I was too scared of the answer, what would I do if he'd said, "No Des, I really don't, you're like a little sister to me..." I would be even more crushed than I am now! No, Think it best that I let bygones be bygones and keep my friendship intact.

Regarding my life in Johannesburg (I've completely gotten side tracked here)- I moved into my own place on the 1st of December last year and I'm now enjoying my independance... Life is a little tough at this point in time but I will get through it :-)

"You And Me"

What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything he does is beautiful
Everything he does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

And me and all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Not sure why but this song always makes me think of "Mr Mysterious" (which is why I changed the "she" to "he"), maybe its because I never could keep my eyes off him, maybe because in my mind he's the closest I've gotten to true love but maybe I'm idolising him- making him perfect in my mind despite his imperfections... 

He knows how I feel but he's gone now, 14 hours by plane- not the type of relationship my heart could handle.

The Next One

Right so I ended last time in saying that I no longer want to kill my ex....

This I suppose was a very trying time for me, I was still living in my uncle's house and sharing a room with my gran so I could have no alone time to just grieve for the loss of my relationship- which in case you didn't know is something every female needs when the person she thinks is the love of her life just walks out without a second glance.

I then met a guy I'll named Raymond (I'm sure if you know me you'll know who this is), a nice guy - down to earth and funny and within 2 weeks I was convinced I was in love. I spoke to my mom about him and of course as always mother knows best- she told me he was just a rebound, a week later I realised this for myself and ended things with Raymond.

Through all this time I was still working like a slave for a company I was getting frustrated with and a perv of a boss. There was however one person who always tried his best to make me smile when I was having a bad day or when I was in a foul mood- "Mr Mysterious".

He was an enormous man with an even bigger heart, he was (obviously) mysterious and flirtatious and quite frankly an awesome friend. He knew what my boss was like and would help me by just letting me vent to him when I needed to.

He worked on the opposite side of the office and was mostly on the road seeing customers but when I needed him, I'd text him and he'd be there- he was the next guy I fell for, completely different to my ex and Raymond but he was what I needed and desperately wanted.

TBC...

My first months in Joburg

Okay, so this is my first post...

I tried this once before but I think then I was too young to actually grasp what a blog was all about, now being 20 I think I can grasp the responsibility this page leaves me with.

Well here goes, as mentioned before I'm 20 years old... I've been living in Joburg for 9 months now- I've had my heart broken, I've fallen in love and unfortunately had my heart broken again... So I think I'll officially start this page by talking about when I had just moved to Joburg and see how it progresses.

I moved here in on the 19th of July, my boyfriend at that time drove me up from Durban and it was heart-wrenchingly sad to leave my mom and him behind. To begin with I moved in with my uncle and his family, his wife, her child, my gran and then my uncle's child was there on weekends- it was terrible.
I was never mistreated as such I just hated living there and hated their style of doing most things- such as supper, it was never a hearty home cooked meal but always processed food (even the veggies when we had them).

About a month into my living in Joburg my boyfriend came up and moved in with his brother, 2 weeks later he ended things with me. I was shattered. A week after that happened he fetched his things and again I was completely broken- I had been with this guy for 1 and a half years and here he was smiling at me sympathetically because he'd broken my heart. Urghhhhhh. It angers me now to think of it but not so much that I want to kill him anymore.

That's how I'll end this entry I think.

Maybe I'll skim over my highlights of living in Joburg for the first couple of entries, this being one of them...

Goodbye for now <3