Dear Oupa

Okay so here goes...

My heart is beating out of my chest, but I have to write this now, or I probably never will.

Dear Oupa,

It's taken me a while to write this down and actually express what I feel about losing you - I guess I haven't been able to because it was too soon after Ouma, I was still reeling from the emotional roller coaster I'd been on, when we lost you too... I have been speechless since.

There are many different excuses I can pull out for the reasons why I never actually got to know you, for the reasons why I didn't spend more time with you, for the reasons that I haven't been able to write anything about you, but none of them matter, and none of them ever will again; no matter what I say now, here, I will never be able to get back precious moments that I took for granted.

I'm writing this now because I stumbled across a photo on Facebook of you, it was a picture that was posted years ago, you look so young, so full of life; one thing that will stick with me forever is that you were always laughing, always making comments, always being as sarcastic as before - its hard to picture a world where I won't ever get to hear about loeries and their ostrich sized eggs, its hard to picture a world where I won't ever hear you chatting to the birds as you fed them, it's hard to picture a world without you.

But I guess I have to, I can just be happy that you're not in anymore pain, that you are no longer scared and that you can now see how much we all love and adore you.

I love you Oupa and are missed every single day...