12 Sep 2016

Biologically a Father - Realistically a Donor

I'm not sure why, but you've been on my mind a lot lately - yes I'm talking directly to you today. I hate this feeling that you fill me up with - I hate that you are such a useless father and I hate that I'm thinking about you. I have grown so much since you last bothered to check in, by the way I'm still alive and I'm still doing alright regardless of where you are or what you're doing.

I wish I could get you out of my head, everytime I think I'm okay without you, there you are in my thoughts - I'm thinking about you, dreaming about you and worst of all I'm missing you more than anything. I'm not sure how this is even possible to be quite honest, how can I miss someone who has really never been there for me. How do I miss that which I have never really  known?

I really wish you weren't such an asshole, I wish I could have an actual father daughter relationship with you and that you knew what it was to love someone other than yourself. I never want to be like you are - I've said this before, I know, but I really never want to put my future children through the same torment that you have put me through. I will be the kind of mother that my mom was, I will be strong, reliable and loving.

I really haven't lost anything with you, there was never anything to lose. I have a wonderful mother and I don't need more than that because my mom (although I know you disagree - because you're a pig) is the most amazing, awesome (in the true sense of the word) woman that's ever lived. You may have tried to break the both of us, but what you did only brought us closer together and really, thank you for that.