None of this is OK and I am not willing to pretend it is anymore.
I look it and I'm a brilliant actress for it but I am not ok.
I miss my 'Ouma' more than anyone can imagine - I was not ready to lose her and yet she was ripped from my life before I had time to admit to myself that she may not always be there.
I had made peace with your death long before you went Ouma but I was never ready for the pain and anguish of not being able to pick up the phone and talk to the woman who formed such a huge part of my childhood. I miss you so much it hurts.
Your last words to me and mine to you were, 'I love you', and it could not have summed up our relationship any better because the love between a grandmother and her grandchild runs so deep and so pure that I would not have wanted to say anything else given a second chance - you knew I loved you and knew, had I been able to, I would've given you the world.
So I am not okay, but that is alright, I am grieving, and in time I will learn to cope with the fact that you aren't here.
I love you and miss you more daily,
Rest in peace