For the better half of two weeks I have been trying to write this post... I have had no words though - I've been at a total loss for what to say because everything's changed since my last post. I am not the same person anymore; how can I be after all that's happened in the period of two months, and still I am at a loss for words - so should this come out terribly, do forgive me.
First there was the flood- my entire house covered in mud and gunk, my carpet trashed and my backyard a dam. A car floated into my yard - a tube past my door and everything was in shambles - edenvale is a complete mess and so was my house.
Then there came the damages to my car - R53 000.00 worth of damages from the floods - my car floated into my wall and with that came the insurance rigmarole - Okay, the insurance wasn't so much the problem as the repairers. The panelbeaters that my car was assigned to didn't realise that my car was there so a week after authorisation went through I had to call them only to be asked when I would like to bring my car in (it's been there for a week asshole!).
Then my world came crumbling down, I got a call on the Wednesday night, my gran's had a heart attack (turns out it was actually a stroke), she was taken to hospital and I was told she was stable for the time being. Thursday night hit and my uncle phoned - my gran had passed. Nothing and no one can fix the pain felt during this time - god I miss you. I went to the funeral in Durban and I wish I could say it was beautiful but you deserved so much more (both in life and death). I am only thankful that you are no longer suffering.
Returned home after a weekend, test results had come back for my grandfather (he was admitted to hospital about 2 weeks before my gran in Durban) he has stage 4 cancer in his lungs.
I say again, I am at a loss for words.
I will pick myself back up though - that's not a maybe, it will happen and with the help of my loving boyfriend and my always faithful friends and family it will go quicker than usual - I'm just not sure which way to go right now. I cry at inappropriate times and I've noticed that my head to mouth filter has gone on vacay.
I go on holiday tomorrow and maybe then things will get easier, maybe then I can sleep easy but until then I really can't say whats going on in my head right now. One day and one step at a time I'll begin to be myself again but having lost such a big part of me, I'm not sure how I'll accomplish that.
In loving memory of Susara Johanna Catharina Eksteen - you will forever be missed.