15 Feb 2017
I am not a disciplinarian to my equals...
This is something that's been eating at me for quite some time and to be honest I still don't have an answer, I don't know why I do it, I don't know why others have done it to me and I really don't know why it's so difficult to just be grateful and accept that someone is going out of their way to help you. It's the same principle as when you are looking at others faults and seeing them clearly but when it comes to your own you are unable or unwilling to see what you are messing up on.
I do this in relationships, I fault find and will end up telling you exactly what is wrong with you and why it's wrong and what you should do to fix it; this is where I make my biggest mistake. It's not my duty to fact check, discipline or 'teach' my partner, it is my duty to appreciate what he does for me, understand that I too should help him where I can and should he misunderstand what I asked, it's not on me to shout at him or berate him like he's my three year old son.
I think for me it's my anxiety that plays a large role in how I treat others and how I understand or misunderstand what I'm being told. I, however, need to make myself aware of these problem that I have and deal with them myself and not take it out on them.
I have spent this entire post talking about relationships but the funny thing is this was meant to be a post on the effect of this on friendships - it is basically the same thing though, your friends are your life as are your partners and your family (at least this is the case for me) and berating them or putting them down because of your own downfalls or even preferences is going to cause some major drama.
To the people in my life, I am flawed - this I will not apologise for as we're all human, but I can take control of my flaws and not expect you to understand why I am the way I am without having at least tried to explain to you what happens in my head and if I've done this, I sincerely apologize