24 Mar 2016

I'm Back - I think

Wow so it's been absolutely forever since I've been on here and posted anything worthy of reading, in fact I'd forgotten all about it until someone mentioned that they'd visited this page (thank you for that by the way). 

A lot has happened, a lot has changed but I think the most important change is that I am studying now (FINALLY happy dance inserted here) and that I'm a completely different person to what I was then, I've been hurt and gotten over it and then hurt again and that when I realised all the changes that i as a person needed to make.  I needed to realise what I was doing to other people and not just what they were doing to hurt me because (as I've come to realise in my journey) what they were doing might have just been a retaliation of my actions and of my behaviour. 

I'm on antidepressants and I was on anti anxiety medication (note past tense YAY me) and I've come to understand that I was a very unhappy and angry person in my day to day life and without realising or knowing, I was projecting this unhappiness onto everyone I came into contact with, for instance I completely pushed my ex away even though we were living together, I was under the impression that he was doing everything to hurt me; meanwhile I was subconsciously sabotaging my own happiness and in a way making him very unhappy too - I'm not saying that he didn't have his faults, I know he did and there were plenty- I am mainly acknowledging that I needed to change.

Some days are still very rough and I find it difficult to get through without becoming a murderous cow and then some days are magnificent, I go to boxing and I finish assignments and I feel like a thousand bucks (well the literal form on that would be uber awkward) I suppose it's just the level of endorphins that I've produced on a particular day.

I'm alright now though, even though I'm living with my mom on a plot 60kms from work (changed employers by the way EXCITEMENT) I know that nothings going to take me down - I am too strong for that.